Seth's World

the ramblings of a random transguy

you oughta know
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, I love rediscovering music I haven't listened to in a while.  Alanis, you are my goddess.  For sure.

So, I have an announcement to make: I'm ready to start dating.  I am most definitely ready to date, and what I want [right now] is a man.  A man who'll sweep me off my feet.  Ugh, it sucks being a hopeless romantic sometimes.  But here's the thing - I'm not a chronic dater.  And I'm not looking for a hookup.  I'm looking for an actual dating experience.  I've been dating women for the past few years, but I dated men before that.  I just don't know whether or not they would see me as male.  My ideal partner would be gay, or at least heavily bisexual.  Dark hair, cute, good personality, has the ability to be himself....yes.

broken monitors
The past week has been interesting:

It's had its ups and downs....mostly downs.
Lots of stress about money.  Being overdrawn is not awesome.
Having to say goodbye to a good friend because she moved.
Not feeling like I have anyone to talk to.
And feeling really lonely.
And sort of worthless.

But I'm getting better.  It hit me the other day that I can totally go to counseling locally for what the APA calls "gender identity disorder".  It's not a disorder.  I know who I am, and that's male.  It's not my fault I was born without a penis or testes.  Or the right chromosomes.  It's just something that happened, and I'm okay with that.  I just want to get my life in order.  I can also get my T through a local doc.  A friend of mine goes to him, and he treats him like any other guy.  Which gives me hope.  

So work this week was LONG...I worked almost 40 hours.  Went to my co-worker's going away party on Saturday and got really sunburned on my upper arms.  Dove off a diving board for the first time in years.  That was really fun.  Went out drinking with said co-worker later that night.  Came home drunk and tried to piss with my medicine spoon.  Needless to say, it didn't work so well.  Was off on Sunday (yesterday) and cleaned a little.  Mostly what I did was what I always do on days when I'm off and I'm a little depressed, which is masturbate and watch movies.  It was a very productive day for masturbation.  In fact, I think everyone should spend their days off doing that.  It's very relaxing.  Gave myself a hair trim because my burr/buzz cut has finally gotten to the point where it's longer than a 4 and it was time to shape things up a bit.  It's a little uneven in the back (being that I couldn't see, duh), but it'll do for now.  Anyway, that's about it for now.

I am ready
I've come to a lot of realizations lately.  The biggest one is that I'm ready.  I'm ready to start testosterone.  I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life.

trouble in paradise
This whole past week has been, for me.  Work  I don't know what was up with me.  I think it was the weather.  I'm not sure.


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